I've been in a relationship for the past 14 years, we've had our ups and downs, changed locations, and this relationship has helped shape the person I am today. All that said, I broke it off today.
June 26th, 2015 is the day I ended the relationship with my job.
A job, my career, is something I have LOVED since age 16 - I feed off being industrious, efficient, growing my skills, working in corporate America, meeting friends all over the world. In college I interviewed and got a job simply because I missed it, and wanted to make money to put it in the bank for later. I'm sort of a robot that way, getting a job fueled me through college and motivated me to reach for better in my career.
I came to this conclusion slowly but surely as I talked with my now 20-month old daughter each day in the bathroom as we got ready and she would ask "Mommy work?" and I would say "Yes, mommy's working today so Laurie (nanny) is coming to play with you until mommy's done." Then I would sit at my laptop in the home office, while the nanny and Whitney would play and read and giggle. Everyday she learns new words, and songs, and I wasn't there to teach her.
Working from home is a rare form of torture because you hear your child but don't engage with them; you still keep track of naps and mealtimes and cleanliness so you don't get a break from mommyhood, just added responsibility for reaching job deadlines and meeting schedules.
I began catching myself before saying "Mommy has to work" or "Mommy needs to work" because in my mind I knew that I am blessed with a husband who can provide financially for our family, and blessed with parents and experience from my life to know we can live comfortably without me working. I didn't NEED to work, I didn't HAVE to work -- so why was I working?
As with many relationships that fizzle out, I realized I was holding on to the joy and excitement felt in the past, not what was now in front of me. So I broke it off. And it felt SO good, better than I can even explain, Of course I prayed about it, felt that this was the right step for me and my family at this time, and made the cut. Of course with the knowledge that my career can continue in the future...Blah, blah, blah - who cares it feels SOOOOOO good to know each day I get to spend with my little girl.
More than just caring for Sgt Whitaker (her nickname as she is the commanding officer in our household), I get to look towards our families future and plan activities and vacations -- I gotta get busy!!!
Friday, June 26, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Honest Questions
I have pondered a few questions for years and decided it's time to address the community with these conundrums. Please know I ask in complete honesty and innocence here - I am in no place to judge, just wondering....
Why do Animal Lovers and Activists always have pets?
If you believe in standing up for Animal Rights, and setting free the animals in captivity, why do you have a dog/cat/bird/reptile/turtle in a cage at home? or locked in your house? or fenced on your property?
Why do people who like the same gender as themselves, take on the traits of the opposite gender?
Shouldn't a guy who finds other guys attractive, take on or like the things in our society that are stereotypically masculine? Why are guys who like guys getting manicures while the girls who like girls are getting short haircuts and hanging out at the hardware store?
I've pondered this one for about 15 years.
I'm a woman; if I was interested in impressing only other women I think I would avoid all man-clothes, man-hairdos, man-talk, and assume the best way to attract another female would be to act and look more feminine. Wouldn't the perfect date be a spa-day with my special someone?
Why do people live together before getting married? -
Occupying the same space with someone, even if you love them, is really hard. You have no personal space or area, EVERYTHING is shared....everything that used to be yours is now "Ours". Why put yourself through this while you're still dating? Or worse, when you're engaged and planning your wedding (lots of stress + arguments + he keeps stealing the covers). Marriage is sacred to me, but it's also our country and culture's action of making a life-long or eternal commitment to the other person - why move in when you've both agreed your partnership is temporary as of right now? In the future you may find martial bliss but you're getting elbowed at the bathroom sink today. Wouldn't that be like buying a license plate cover, keychain and seat covers for your rental car, and keeping it pristine and detailed? All that effort and attachment to a car you have not agreed to buy.
*Also if you are Christian you wouldn't want to live together before marriage because of the whole fornication issue, it's a big issue. Those that do can repent of course, but giving a part of yourself to someone with no promise of future love takes a toll in many ways.
Who actually likes clowns?
I suffer from clown-ophobia (this is not the clinical term). I watched the 80s horror flick "It" and never looked at a clown the same again. I think that clown makeup and attire is super-creepy. I want to know who actually enjoys the company of clowns? Who loves the circus BECAUSE there are clowns there? So far in my research I have found 0 people on planet earth that love clown feet, painted smiles and can't get enough of their red honking noses.....zero people. I don't want to ruin you but I dare you to watch the movies "It" and "Killer Clowns from Outer Space" and come tell me you still love giving clowns big hugs. I dare you.
Why do Animal Lovers and Activists always have pets?
If you believe in standing up for Animal Rights, and setting free the animals in captivity, why do you have a dog/cat/bird/reptile/turtle in a cage at home? or locked in your house? or fenced on your property?
Why do people who like the same gender as themselves, take on the traits of the opposite gender?
Shouldn't a guy who finds other guys attractive, take on or like the things in our society that are stereotypically masculine? Why are guys who like guys getting manicures while the girls who like girls are getting short haircuts and hanging out at the hardware store?
I've pondered this one for about 15 years.
I'm a woman; if I was interested in impressing only other women I think I would avoid all man-clothes, man-hairdos, man-talk, and assume the best way to attract another female would be to act and look more feminine. Wouldn't the perfect date be a spa-day with my special someone?
Why do people live together before getting married? -
Occupying the same space with someone, even if you love them, is really hard. You have no personal space or area, EVERYTHING is shared....everything that used to be yours is now "Ours". Why put yourself through this while you're still dating? Or worse, when you're engaged and planning your wedding (lots of stress + arguments + he keeps stealing the covers). Marriage is sacred to me, but it's also our country and culture's action of making a life-long or eternal commitment to the other person - why move in when you've both agreed your partnership is temporary as of right now? In the future you may find martial bliss but you're getting elbowed at the bathroom sink today. Wouldn't that be like buying a license plate cover, keychain and seat covers for your rental car, and keeping it pristine and detailed? All that effort and attachment to a car you have not agreed to buy.
*Also if you are Christian you wouldn't want to live together before marriage because of the whole fornication issue, it's a big issue. Those that do can repent of course, but giving a part of yourself to someone with no promise of future love takes a toll in many ways.
Who actually likes clowns?
I suffer from clown-ophobia (this is not the clinical term). I watched the 80s horror flick "It" and never looked at a clown the same again. I think that clown makeup and attire is super-creepy. I want to know who actually enjoys the company of clowns? Who loves the circus BECAUSE there are clowns there? So far in my research I have found 0 people on planet earth that love clown feet, painted smiles and can't get enough of their red honking noses.....zero people. I don't want to ruin you but I dare you to watch the movies "It" and "Killer Clowns from Outer Space" and come tell me you still love giving clowns big hugs. I dare you.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Working Moms Cheat
Working Moms can Cheat
I'm here living the double life, straddling the working & stay at home mom divide and happy to debunk a few myths along the way.
For all moms who've noticed a nice hair-do and pair of heels on a business-mom and wondered:
"How does she hold down a job, take care of kids, and have time to look all dolled up everyday?"
I'll let you in on the secret: Working moms can cheat, and it's okay.
On the days I work, my nanny comes to play with W so I can get my work done - that's assumed. The secret lies in that when my nanny is here I have minutes to myself: I can take a quick shower, pick an outfit, look in the mirror and put on mascara. Ready for the best part? I can use the restroom ALL BY MYSELF!
Of course I pay for this cheating luxury, but it's kinda cheating because if I didn't work and took care of W all day everyday I wouldn't have the option of booking a nanny for only 30mins a day to get ready. However I would love if we could start a new trend, because these days I don't work I am given no me-time, look much less "together" and never use the restroom alone. It needs to be understood by all SAHMs and their men that a girls night or date night once every few weeks is not the same as having time to myself 3-4 times a week to shower and be inside my own head. Kudos to the women who can't take a shower without singing songs to appease a claustrophobic baby/toddler in the bathroom.
Working moms cheat in this area and it's okay; it's not easy and big sacrifices are made by women who work. I am currently revaluating my position in the workforce because of these large sacrifices I've been forced to make. Wish me luck!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Dear Future April
Dear Future April,
I have a few things to share with you. This is to the future April who has forgotten what it feels like to be an almost 30-yr old, with a little 16month Whitters, forgotten how your purse was always full of diapers and puffs and 6 hrs of sleep was all you were given. I have a few things to share.
You were a double agent as both a Working Mom and SAHM - You had a strong career where colleagues respected you and solicited your advice and opinions. You worked at home as a nanny played with W while you typed on your laptop and took conference calls. Your time was valued at a high price by your employers. You also were a SAHM who nursed your baby until she was 14 months old, clocked her nap schedule and gave lots of kisses to your baby throughout the day. Your brain was holding all work-related information: reporting requests, meeting invites, global communications and your brain was balancing sleep schedules, feeding times, learning milestones and children songs.....whew!
You had a baby 16 months ago, and have recovered physically - to the point that you are skinnier than you ever have been...this has been hard for you to get used to. Here are a few reasons you should be happy you are no longer this skinny:
1. You can feel your bones...like when you lie on your side to sleep you can feel your hip bones
2. You get sore from sitting/kneeling on hard surfaces like giving W a bath or sitting on folding chairs
3. All of your clothes are a different size, so you keep them in the closet but can't wear them, which is torture
4. Finding jeans that are long enough is a rare treat, why is it assumed that if you are tiny you are also short? there is a world of tall skinny non-gymnasts wondering the same thing
Future April, I am sure you are rocking whatever phase in life you are currently in, just don't want you to forget where you came from and that life is full of good even when it's crazy.
Love, You
I have a few things to share with you. This is to the future April who has forgotten what it feels like to be an almost 30-yr old, with a little 16month Whitters, forgotten how your purse was always full of diapers and puffs and 6 hrs of sleep was all you were given. I have a few things to share.
You were a double agent as both a Working Mom and SAHM - You had a strong career where colleagues respected you and solicited your advice and opinions. You worked at home as a nanny played with W while you typed on your laptop and took conference calls. Your time was valued at a high price by your employers. You also were a SAHM who nursed your baby until she was 14 months old, clocked her nap schedule and gave lots of kisses to your baby throughout the day. Your brain was holding all work-related information: reporting requests, meeting invites, global communications and your brain was balancing sleep schedules, feeding times, learning milestones and children songs.....whew!
You had a baby 16 months ago, and have recovered physically - to the point that you are skinnier than you ever have been...this has been hard for you to get used to. Here are a few reasons you should be happy you are no longer this skinny:
1. You can feel your bones...like when you lie on your side to sleep you can feel your hip bones
2. You get sore from sitting/kneeling on hard surfaces like giving W a bath or sitting on folding chairs
3. All of your clothes are a different size, so you keep them in the closet but can't wear them, which is torture
4. Finding jeans that are long enough is a rare treat, why is it assumed that if you are tiny you are also short? there is a world of tall skinny non-gymnasts wondering the same thing
Future April, I am sure you are rocking whatever phase in life you are currently in, just don't want you to forget where you came from and that life is full of good even when it's crazy.
Love, You
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